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Prerequisites

January 20, 2013

Some weeks back I had a discussion with a certain Medical Doctor after church service. He’s about over 40 years of age. The problem is that He Has A PhD! A medical doctor with a PhD?! Such a humble man; Leader in church!

Well, nice enough. His wife gave me a lift after a unit meeting one day. My car was outtact (opposite of intact). As we got talking, I found out that she is a Medical Doctor too! Ha!! This lady that plays the guitar in church? and goes to teach the children after praise and worship? She’s the most lively,  middle-aged woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life! Wonderful couple!

A couple weeks after, I sat with Dr PhD at house fellowship. Some discussion led to cooking and he asked if I know how to cook. I told him that cooking is a survival skill, you don’t deploy it except there’s threat to life! He said he is a terrible cook, and that undergraduate days were the worst! Someone chipped in, “till you met your wife”!

As if it was nothing, he said, “She couldn’t even cook when we met! We kindda started learning to cook together, till I lost interest and she went on to become perfect!” I sure dint hear what he said after that. I had to digest this! Almighty cooking! Food! This gentleman just pushed it aside as if it is nothing! Where some of us cannot marry a woman who doesn’t have at least 5 years yam-pounding experience (in the words of a brother). 

I left that meeting wondering in how many areas of our lives we could have put the wrong building blocks first, such as judging a “good wife” by the strength of her soup, or a skilful  photographer by the design of his tripod stand!

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6 Comments
  1. Oluwaseyi permalink

    Lanre, I love this. Spot On. I’ve lost count of how many Nigerian men I meet, and before we take this meeting / friendship to the next level, they pop the question “Can you cook?” In creative ways.

    Almost like a yea or nay answer will determine what next. Interestingly the answer is yea, but I don’t let them know that. Get to know me better and accept me for who I am or take a walk.

    Food in the grand scheme of things? Gosh! Dr PHD in this regard is my kinda man. Wish our men would submit to more mentors. A woman who is teachable will learn anything. On the other hand, your perfect chef might not be a wife material if she’s not teachable. God help us all.

  2. Tee permalink

    Hmmm….these last lines.

    we could have put the wrong building blocks first, such as judging a “good wife” by the strength of her soup, or a skilful photographer by the design of his tripod stand!

    Still to each his or her own!

  3. Lol! Nice piece! Your Dr.Dr. friend is one in a million.I once heard that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. This is the first time I find an exception to that saying. I personally feel that it is essential for a woman to know how to cook,”WELL”. However, it should not be a prerequisite in marriage. Men should learn to accept it as an icing on the cake. My Dad is a great cook, only that whenever he cooks; our eyes become red with un-controllable tears and we have to take excess water, due to too much pepper. *wink*. Lol!

  4. I guess cooking is just one of those prerequisites that men have created for themselves. There are also many stereotypes that they expect their wives to fit into, like: compulsorily having to wash their clothes, serving them food on bent knees and calling them ‘Sir’.

  5. Jjf permalink

    The truth of about life is that people get attracted to others by what they admire in such people; put differently, we tend to assess/ value others by our assessment of what we value in them. This is what Yorubas depict in the saying, ” Ohun to wu mi ko wu o…”
    But the truth in practice is that, more oft en than not, we misjudge and put wrong premium on others because we use the wrong criteria/ yardstick for our assessment. So I cannot agree with you less.
    More grace!

  6. tolu okeleye permalink

    It is so interesting what we have set as ‘foundation’ in our minds as touching what a ‘woman’ should be like and what a ‘man’ should be like as regarding our choices of who to or not to marry instead of emphasis on the ‘weightier matters’. I really do hope that this article will be assessed by a lot of ‘our men’ especially the ones in the fold. There is need for a holistic view to marriage and building of a home than majoring on minors like ‘a woman should be able to cook’ among others when it can easily be learnt. Let us as believers in the Word of God uphold his counsels rather than ‘our traditions’.
    1Jn 4:18 There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life–fear of death, fear of judgment–is one not yet fully formed in love. (MSG)
    Lanre thank you so much for this piece, God bless you

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